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Lyrics:
Survival of the Prettiest
Pick a song title from below.
(To download/hear the songs from Survival of the Prettiest, click here
to go Babe Lloyd's official music downloads page.) |
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- White Trash
Why . . . why . . . why do you hate everyone not like you?
Why . . . why . . . why do you make everyone be like you?
The world would be a lot more fun without you
Tonight would be a lot more fun without you
My life would be a lot more fun without you
Everything would be tons more fun without you
Let me be your love slave
Love slave
Love slave
Let me be your love slave
White trash dream
First we all get shit-faced drunk and load our rifles in the trunk
Then we go and pick some chick up and throw her in the big ol' pickup
Then we cruise on down main street, looking for a fag to beat
Then crash the pickup truck and find us some pigs to fuck.
White trash
Whieeeeeeeeeeeete trash
Why . . . why . . . why don't you have any fun that hurts no one?
Why . . . why . . . why can't you sleep with anyone without your gun?
The world would be a lot more fun without you
Tonight would be a lot more fun without you
My life would be a lot more fun without you
Everything would be tons more fun without you
Let me see your big gun
Big gun
Big gun
Let me put your big gun
Up my nose?
First we read Alberta Report and beat our wives just for sport
Then we go and pick some chick up and throw her in the big ol pickup
Shooting cans cuz it's so fun, macho with a big ol' gun
Rape your sister till she blue cuz there's nothing else to do.
White trash
Whieeeeeeeeeeeete trash
Why . . . why . . . why do you fight everyone?
Are you afraid?
Why . . . why . . . why do you hide from the sun in a cave?
The world would be a lot more fun without you
Tonight would be a lot more fun without you
My life would be a lot more fun without you
Everything would be tons more fun without you
Hey you homophobic
Racist
Sexist
Watcha gonna do in
The nineties?
White trash rules!
[top]
- I Don't Wanna Buy Your Shit
My shitty basement suite is clean enough without you Mr. Clean
It's amazing how strong that paper towel is but who cares?
If I buy that toilet paper does it come with fuzzy white kittens?
Fuzzy white kittens
I might buy that toilet paper if you stop calling it bathroom tissue
Actually, no I won't
Cuz I don't wanna buy your shit
I don't wanna buy that crap
Stuff it up your ass you stupid capitalist pigs
I don't wanna buy your shit
Throw the tv in the trash
Throw it out the window and hope it lands on one of you capitalist pigs
My life is complete enough without going to see the latest Tom Cruise film
I hope no one beats me up for not wearing the clothes those overpaid schizophrenics
wear
If I collect all the merchandise of your dumb movie will the girls at school talk
to me?
I might buy the merchandise cross-advertised at the fast-food joint
Actually no I won't
I don't wanna see your flick
I don't wanna watch that crap
Stuff it up your ass you stupid capitalist pigs
I don't wanna see your flick
I would rather read a book
Go for a walk or sing a song about you stupid capitalist pigs
[insert random things and attitudes nobody really needs]
My style is swank enough without getting a load of Britney's pears
It's amazing that 'N Sink wrote the lyrics to their latest crap
I can't believe you've never heard of Matchbox 20
Considering how bad they suck
You can like your world music but if you don't like the Matthew Good Band
Then you're not Canadian
I don't wanna hear your tunes
I don't wanna hear that crap
Stuff up your ass you capitalist pigs
I don't wanna hear your tunes
I would rather drink some lead
Or listen to something like this:
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggthththththththbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttgghhhhhh
You stupid capitalist pigs
La la laaaaaa
[top]
- Playin'
All the skin in movies and hot chicks at the club
How can I take it and stay single for so long?
Not naked in a bell tower with a rifle
I've got a secret that some tell me is wrong
I'm playin' sega
Just playin' sega
I'll never beg-a
I'll just play sega
My computer crashes cuz the hard drive's full
I find the internet very useful
Hot chicks think I'm constipated when I'm not
I just take so long in the can cuz they're so hot
Just playing sega
I'm playing sega
Ya got nice legs-a
So I'm playing sega
If this is self-pollution, baby, I'm the dump
If you're too good to play sega, well, that's your problem, chump
Some guys insist that they don't but they're sega plus
Personally, I don't understand the fuss
Sure I play sega, and if you do too,
Maybe I'll come over and play sega with you
We're playing sega
Just playing sega
We'll never beg-a
We'll just play sega
Sega's always single and free of disease
Sega can be satisfied with the greatest of ease
Sega is the one friend that you know you'll never lose
Sega don't get pregnant and never feels used.
That's why I play sega
I win at sega
Don't take my sega
Championship sega
Sega when you're horny, or when there's nothing to do
Did you know when I play sega, I often think about you
I'm playing sega
[top]
- Old Meat
I tried to break up
Took over six weeks
You hated my buds
Your friends are all freaks
Why don't you get a clue?
I don't wanna see you
You're fuckin' psycho
Ya got me scared
"Let's fuck", I said no
Are you hearing impaired?
Why don't you get a clue?
I don't wanna do you
I know you thought I'm a jerk
When I said "This ain't gonna work!"
So you totally flipped out
You just went fuckin' berzerk
Watch out!
I know you're hurtin'
And you feel bad
Don't make it cool
To break into my pad
Why don't you get a clue?
I don't wanna sue you
My job you're stalkin'
"Do you hate my guts?"
Get outta my face
No ifs, no buts
Why don't you get a clue?
I am so sick of you
Watch out!
I know you're mentally ill
And one day you'll be out to kill
I wish you could just forget
I wish you'd just learn to chill
Restraining order
Is out on you
If you don't back off
I'll flip out too
Why don't you get a clue?
I am so sick of you
So a little piece of advice to all you out there, woman or man:
even if they look as good as me, and even if they sound as good as . . . me,
when they show the first sign of bein' PSYCHO,
...pack yer bags...pack yer bags...pack those bags...pack da bags!
[top]
- Time Machine
If I had a time machine I'd load up all the assholes and send them back to where
they belong
They could beat each other up and treat women like garbage, millions of years
ago where they belong.
Then we'd have them out of our hair and we could party
If I had a time machine I'd load up all the assholes and send them back to where
they belong
They could call each other monosyllabic names and talk just like cavemen in movies
talk
Grunt and groan and grunt and bark and grunt groan bark grunt groan bark grunt
Bark grunt fart
If I had a time machine I'd load up all the assholes and send them back to where
they belong
We'd be free to dance and sing and think up new ideas without being scared of
being rolled
Democracy would finally be a good idea and I would vote
If I had a time machine I'd load up all the bullies, racists and jocks, rapists
and cocks
If I had a time machine I'd load up all the bigots, misogynists, and homophobes.
Then we'd have them out of our hair and we could breathe
Then we'd have them out of our hair and we could live
Then we'd have them out of our hair and we could party
[top]
- Now I Know
Now I know I’m scared of dying
You believe I’m sick of frying
Now the past and now are one
Mixing to kill my future
I’ve never been this scared
Thank god that you were there
I’ll just sit here by your chair
Rocking back and forth
Trying not to fall into
The rip in my head
I’ve never been this scared
Thank god that you were there
It wasn’t supposed to be like this
No one said it would be like this
You can’t tell me how you know
That shortly I will be okay
And if time should prove you wrong
Then promise me I’ll be dead
I’ve never been this scared
Thank god that you were there
If I had known it was like this
Then I wouldn't be like this
I can’t stop thinking about mom
How can I help her when I’m numb?
I couldn’t bear to leave her now
I couldn’t bear to let her down
I don’t think either of us knew
That I still love you this much
That’s okay cuz it’s a rare
Love that can be lived with
I’ve never been this scared
Thank god that you were there
If I had known it was like this
Then I wouldn't be like this
I can’t stop thinking about mom
How can I help her when I’m numb?
I couldn’t bear to leave her now
I couldn’t bear to let her down
Don’t let me be like this forever
Don’t let me be like this forever
Don’t let me be like this forever
Kill me if I’m like this forever.
[top]
- Low Speed Chase
I'm driving in my car
With my muchachos
We're scoping da fine honies
Got the bass booming
The windows tinted
We can't see or hear shit
See a sweet chiquita
Pull in for a close-up
Of a little sweet bunny
They're laughing and they're pointing
They must be loco
Look in my rear-view and find the po-po
It was a low speed chase
I didn't mean to race
We shoulda turned down the bass
Why didn't you turn down the bass
I told you to turn down the bass
Now we got to save face
Cuz you're such a space case
I TOLD YOU TO TURN DOWN THE BASS!!!
Low speed chase
I'm riding on my bike
With my muchachos
Looking for a car to steal
Some hippie freak
Forgot his keys
Door is unlocked, we're on our way
Our bikes are good
But we ditched 'em
For this shitty Impala
Cruisin' down the hill
Po-po's on our ass
Pedal to the metal, goin' twenty
Another low speed chase
This shitty car cannot race
We ditched our bikes, they were ace
Now I want my bike back
Some punk probly took it
I'll bust his face
I TOLD YOU TO TURN DOWN THE BASS!!!
WHY'D WE DITCH OUR FUCKING BIKES???
Low Speed Chase
I'm at the bar
With no muchachos
Car and my bike impounded
Telling the bartender
About my woes
He says "You got to go, we're closed"
Buy some off-sales
Piss on the corner
Po-po see me get on the bus
Po-po behind the bus
I drop my beer
No one better pull that fucking string
Someone pulls the string
The bus stops, po-po get on
Bust out the back door, fall on my face
It was a no speed chase
Because I fell on my face
And someone sprayed me with mace
I shoulda picked up the pace
I dropped my beer, what a waste
I broke the whole fucking case
And I pissed on my shoelace
I'm such a disgrace
I TOLD YOU TO TURN DOWN THE BASS!!!
WHY WE DITCH OUR FUCKING BIKES???
I TOLD YOU NOT TO PULL THAT LITTLE STRING!!!
Low Speed Chase
[top]
- Porn Shop Regular
Every time you come in here
You tell me your telephone number
"439-804?"...
Bring your card!
Eight a.m., and again at ten
Dirty sweats, cheap Zeller's sneakers and a farmer hat
"That's okay, I don't a receipt"
No shit
He's a porn shop regular
Video porn shop regular
Ya know he'll never begular
Cuz he's a porn shop regular
Just stop flippin' the goddamn video boxes around
After just three hours of searching, look what you found...
The same video that ya rented yesterday. I hope it was a good one, cuz the video
rental charge is a lot more than late fee. Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, yeeeahh,
yeah, y-ha. Porn.
Hand it to you you for not being ashamed
A man's got to do... I guess whatever it is that you do
"That's okay, I don't need a receipt."
No shit
He's a porn shop regular
Video porn shop regular
A regular eggheadular
He's a porn shop regular
[top]
- Gerbil
I'm so glad to have met you
I bet there's a future for us
We'll make each other so happy
Then you'll stab me and leave me to die
I'm having trouble deciding
What it is about me that makes
People think I'm the cat's pyjamas
Then stab me and leave me to die
For my birthday my girlfriend bought me a human-sized hamster wheel, to watch
me run in.
For my birthday another girlfriend bought a human-sized feeder bar, to watch me
push those goddamn useless buttons
Rodent, I'm not a rodent.
Rodent, am I a rodent?
Maybe you will love me and leave me
Maybe you'll love my girl instead
So many exciting different ways
To stab me and leave me to die
I'm looking forward to sleeping
Maybe I will have a happy dream
You'll fall in love with my musical talents
And not stab me and leave me to die
Happy anniversary honey, I'll forget to feed you. Flush you down the toilet.
Happy anniversary, darling, I'll leave out of your cage. Feline babysitter.
Rodent, I'm not a rodent.
Rodent, am I a rodent?
I'm thinking of buying a gerbil
Their paws are very, very small
They could never grasp a knife
To stab me and leave me to die
[top]
- Taco One Dollar
We here at Joeie Tomato's know that you only want to have the finest pasta experience
you've ever had. That's why we only serve you the freshest, reddest, juiciest,
ripest, reddest, juiciest tomatoes we can find. And the highest quality pasta
we can find this side of... well, wherever they have good pasta in Canada, it's
not really known for its pasta. But we also know that you want to enjoy your pasta
experience with a smile. That's why we always serve you with a smile and with
the utmost expediency. And if you get lucky and you come during happy hour you
can get a quickie in the bathroom with a server. But if our quickies aren't up
to your standards... FUCK YOU.
Taco one dollar!
Howdy pardner! We here at Arbie's know that you only want to have the finest cow
samich that you've ever had. That's why we fattie up our cows nice and gooood,
on the finest quality steroid free hay we can find this side of Sa-Ska-Chew-Awn.
Yeee-haaaw! We also know that maybe the plain old taste of dead and sliced and
cooked cow isn't spicy enough for your tastebuds. Maybe you like a little extra
mule kick to your samich! That's why we offer you the option of Arbie's special
Horsie Sauce. Please don't ask the employees what's in the Horsie Sauce. They're
legally bound to secrecy, know-what-I-mean? But if our special Arbie's Horsie
Sauce isn't up to your standards... FUCK YOU.
Taco one dollar!
Pshhiooo, kshhioo, pow pow pow! Shhiooo. Eh, mon. We here at Taco Belle, we know
that you no have very much mahney. That's why we offer you something to eat for
not very much mahney. Canadian Standards Association say we no call it food, so
we call it something-to-eat-for-not-very-much-mahney. We also know that when you
eat your something-to-eat-for-not-very-much-mahney, you want to be looking at
face of big ugly gorilla. Like, "Hennnhh!" And supporting cool Hollywood film
with cool special effects, like "Wiihioo, wioo, pow pow pow!" and "Hennnhhh!"
That's why we are pround to offer you our special Taco Belle Kongo Kombo... and
it kinda rhymes too. But hey, if our special Taco Belle Kongo Kombo is not up
to your standards... FAHTCHOO.
Taco one dollar!
[top]
- Not Family
You wouldn't have to lock your door
You wouldn't worry anymore
I wouldn't have to see you cry
Once we said goodbye to him
He is not family
You call this family?
You wouldn't have to take the blame
You wouldn't have to bear the shame
I wouldn't have to take this flack
Once we turned our backs to him
He is not family
You call that family?
No, I won't be nice, this blood's cold as ice
I'm not gonna fake it, I don't have to take it
Used to raise an eyebrow, now I'll raise my fist
Yeah you just push me, you don't want me pissed
You wouldn't ever let him go
Although he hurts us so
I wouldn't ever show him love
That's something he's just not worthy of
He is not family
You call that family?
[top]
- Haircut Monkey
Inflatable guerilla advertising strategy
Postmodern juxtaposing grooming habits jungle fauna
Scare you into cosmetic alteration.
If you don't cut your hair, my gorilla will rip your arms off.
Discount balloon at the auction. My brother's fan, industrial
Sign of the times, what the fuck? Small children flee haircuts for free
Scare you into cosmetic alteration.
If you don't cut your hair, my gorilla will rip your arms off.
Can you say you've seen it anywhere else?
Can you say that you'll forget about us?
Maybe you want to shoot it with a pellet gun
But when you want your hair cut, you'll come to us
Idea from watching tv when the wind blows very freaky
been there for years landmark fixture turn right at the haircut monkey
Scare you into cosmetic alteration.
If you don't cut your hair, my gorilla will rip your arms off.
Come on into my haircut menagerie. Take a photo, you know it's not a drug front.
[top]
- All I Want is Sex
I can't think, and I can't sleep
I can't dance, and I can't eat
Cuz all I want is sex
All I'm thinkin' about these days is sex
I can't play, and I can't talk
I can't work, and I can’t walk
Cuz all I want is sex
All I'm thinkin' about these days is sex
I've never been a slimeball, I've never been a creep
But now my life is falling apart cuz I can't any sleep
Cuz all I want is sex
All I'm thinkin' about these days is sex
People at school or at a bar
Sex in a bed, sex in a car
Sex with my boss, sex with my friends
No matter who I don't care how it ends
It's been way too long since I had sex
It's a human right to have sex... I'm calling the UN
I've never had a one track mind, I've never been a slut
I've always been a gentleman, but now all I can think about is butt
All my body wants is sex
I've got no control, all I want is sex
I won't think any less of anyone who gives me sex
Cuz I've got a problem, all I want is sex
I'm sorry I just cannot function anymore, all I want is sex
Let's get this out in the open, all I want is sex
I wish it weren't like this, but all I want is sex
[top]
- Fuck You
If I wrote a column in a newspaper and someone wrote a letter to the editor to
say my writing sucks,
I would not get upset, I'd smile and be flattered that someone as important as
that would spend their time on me.
If I wrote some music and someone told me that it sucks, told me how they could
write a better song than me,
I would not get upset, cuz people who know anything about writing music would
never act like that.
This is my fuck you
This is my middle finger
This is my fuck you, yes you
This is my joke about your girlfriend
If I was in a class with someone who always asked really dumb stupid-ass questions
all the time,
I would not get upset, I'd smile and chew on my pen, knowing that people like
that drop the average
If I met someone who totally lacked social skills, cut me down while constantly
talking politics,
I would not get upset, I'd smile and laugh to myself, knowing that people like
that never get any
This is my fuck you
This is my middle finger
This is my fuck you, yes you
This is my joke about your mama
If I was driving and got stuck beside some stupid jock who speeds up and cuts
me off to porve he's got a big cock,
I would not get upset cuz people who drive like that help to fill the policeman's
speeding ticket quota
If I saw someone that I don't know do something that I don't necessarily agree
with,
I would not get upset, I'd look away and shake my head, knowing that I am right
and just get on with life
This is my fuck you
This is my middle finger
This is my fuck you, yes you
Were your parents related?
Fuck you-oo-oo
[top]
- Boy Band
All I ever wanted
All I wished I had
Was to be a member
Of a well-groomed boy band
I would look so cute
Wearing my tight jeans
My blond spiky hair
In my left ear, one earring
Boy band! Ch-ching! Hi Wayne.
Targeting a pre-teen
Demographic market
Taking their allowance
And messing with their heads
They could pick their favourite
Like the ninja turtles
I would be the wild one
With a little facial hair
Boy band! Ch-ching! Hi Wayne.
One day a cute boy will sweep me off my feet
He will wear the right clothes, he'll be so sweet
And the way for a pre-teen girl like me to snag that boy
Is to dress like a slut
Boy Band!
We would have to compete
With other cute boy bands
We'd pretend to be friends
In public we'd shake their hands
We won't write our own songs
We won't even sing
We will have our faces
In those trashy magazines
Boy band! Ch-ching! Hi Wayne.
[top]
- Da Cops
Da Cops lyrics to come...eventually
[top]
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