So, a really great book recently hit bookstore shelves, and given all of the hype that it's been receiving, it's bound to sell like hot cakes. Haven't heard about it? Maybe the title will ring some bells for you: Lurid Details About Bill Clinton Fooling Around With Someone He Works With.

This book is also known as The Starr Report. It is Kenneth Starr's report on the Clinton case, and it is indeed a book. A real, full-out, novel-size, read-it-on-the-plane book. Technically known as "mass paperback" format, the basic, standard size, print-a-gazillion-of-them pulp-type book. Soon Clinton is gonna reach pop-cult status, and publishers will laugh all the way to the bank hawking crappy books about Clinton. Whoopee, finally something worthwhile to blow the kids' tuition or grandma's savings on.

Sure, in theory, The Starr Report may make sense. I mean, the United States are supposed to be the planet's bastion of democracy, and Clinton is the people's chosen representative leader, so perhaps theoretically the masses should have the information about what he's doing at their disposal. But in a mass paperback?! Come on, people! This is sick! Demented! Twisted! Perverted! This is democracy gone too far.

Alright, so Clinton conducts affairs in his personal life in a manner that most people disapprove of. Does that affect his ability to do the job he was hired to do, namely, run the country? Okay, okay, some might say his job is something cheesy like to be a shining example for his people and the world, a symbol for a great nation. If that's the case, maybe the whole affair does need to be investigated. By an investigator, not by hundreds of millions average citizens. Some extremists might say that hiding information from the people is a crime, but, for Pete's sake, why would anyone want to read about Clinton touching some girl "upstairs"?

One may expect such behaviour from our sensation-addicted southern neighbours, but the question remains as to why local bookstores are receiving multiple orders for The Starr Report before it even arrives at the store. What I'm saying is: this is Canada. Who cares about the sex life the American President? I don't even care about my neighbour'ssex life, let alone that of some guy in charge of some foreign country.

Does anyone out there even know that Pierre Trudeau, one of Canada's greatest politicians, is dating Liona Boyd, one of Canada's greatest musicians? Probably not, because everyone is too lathered up about two people who aren't Canada's greatest anything getting it on somewhere outside of Canada.

Hey, I'm not advocating being over-patriotic and elitist, but it is evident that anything to do with Canada usually affects us more directly than whatever is going on down in the good ol' U.S. of A. And besides, even if Clinton's naughtiness did affect Canadian life in any tangible way, it would not be in a way that would warrant The Starr Report flying off the shelves.

Canadians have garnered themselves a reputation of being more sedate than Americans. More rational. Maybe more Victorian. Some may even say more repressed. But I say cheers to being repressed if it means not licking our lips and snorting over an elected official getting turned on by a younger woman. I wonder what kind of people are really interested in who another country's president gets "a little somethin'-somethin'" from. What other books are on those people's night tables? O.J. Simpson books? Diana books? Marilyn Manson books? The bible?

The bottom line is that anyone who reads The Starr Report for leisure has some serious self-evaluation to do. I mean, Clinton's wandering hands are really not all that interesting anyway, when you look at the big picture. When I pick up the newspaper, I say "Way to go Bill, good job, buddy," then I look for something more relevant to my own life. If I can’t find it, I look for something that's at least more interesting. Failing that, I would definitely look for a hobby. A nice, clean hobby.